Boneheads

By Charlie Houston

Dictionaries define “bonehead” as a dumb or foolish person. My definition is broader and includes people or organizations which have done things that turn out to be glaringly wrong, such as athletes, actors, politicians, governments and others.

Athletes

Shaquille O’Neill on visiting the Parthenon in Greece said, “I really can’t remember all the clubs we went to.”

Golfer Greg Noman, “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

Dennis Rodman, “Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college where you figure that two plus two is ten or something.”

Businesses

Remember New Coke?

How about Bud Light and Dylan Whatever?

Kodak stuck with film cameras.

Former tech powerhouse DEC thought home computers were a silly idea.

In 2007 I had the bright idea of buying some area houses as an investment. The next year the economy crashed, reducing the value of those investments to zero. Or less.

Wars

Napoleon invaded Russia.

So did Hitler.

Just before WWII broke out British Prime Minister Nevil Chamberlain proclaimed, “Peace in our Time.” He was off by five or six years.

Vietnam was a boneheaded conflict, made worse by our leaders.

Of the many questionable moves LBJ made during that war, one stands out. US pilots attacking North Vietnam could engage enemy fighters in the air, in dogfights, but could not destroy those same North Vietnamese airplanes when they were simply parked on runways.

George W. Bush’s Iraq War.

Politics

Nixon thought breaking into Democrat’s Watergate headquarters was a clever idea.

“Mr. President,” chirped one of Clinton’s aides, “Meet your new intern, Monica Lewinsky.”

Liberal and elderly Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg refused to resign while Obama was still in office and could have nominated another liberal to the bench.

President Herbert Hoover, on the eve of the Depression, assured Americans, “We are nearer today to the triumph over poverty.”

Speechwriter to Hillary, “Work ‘deplorables’ into your speech.”

Actors

John Travolta turned down the role of Forrest Gump.

Burt Reynolds declined to play James Bond in one of the eponymous movies.

Tom Selleck refused the role of Indiana Jones.

Governments

With—gasp—a $1.9 billion headquarters renovation underway, the Federal Reserve is trying to explain away a projected $700 million cost overrun. Double gasp.

For just that $700 mil overrun, Loudoun County Public Schools could build three high schools. Its latest extravagance is a $221 million high school. I once helped develop a 40-story corporate headquarters for less than half that. 

In past years LCPS would present a budget request to the Board of Supervisors. Negotiations would ensue and the schools would settle for a bit less than asked for. I’m not sure such negotiations take place today, as I’ve heard several Supervisors proudly announce, “We’ve been fully able to fund the schools’ request.”  The split infinitive is their fault, as is the school system’s unchecked spending, such as a new raise for the superintendent, to $425,334.

Hoarding Loudoun’s Tax Receipts

The County ended last year with $290 million of extra revenue thanks to data center taxes. In grand generosity, the County eliminated our $25 license tag fee. BFD. Its next step was to squirrel away as much of the largesse as possible, hiding tens of millions into odd “contingency” accounts. 

I don’t recall these contingencies by name, so here are made-up equivalents: $10 million to a Parks & Rec Capital Contingency Account” or $15 Million to a “Transit Contingency Account.”

I used to do something like that in developing office buildings, and was able to include so much “contingency” money in the budgets that in my entire career, I never had a single cost overrun.

A Double-Boneheaded Idea

The County proposes balancing its revenue sources so that no single sector pays more than 60% of total tax revenues. It sounds like an arbitrary percentage, but the Board is floating the idea of reducing data center taxes to hit the 60% target. That’s like telling Santa to forget this year’s Christmas.

Balancing tax revenue sources would be a risk-avoidance effort, such as reducing the consequences of unknown new technologies that might render data centers obsolete. Risk avoidance is fine but here are two better ways to do it. Raise data center taxes and put, say, half of all data center taxes into a “sovereign fund,” as Alaska and Norway do with their windfall oil profits. 

I say half because the other half should be given to citizens by eliminating the vehicle tax.

An even better way to manage risk is for Loudoun to reduce its spending addiction. Similar counties Fairfax and Prince William spend a bit over $9,000 per resident. Loudoun spends over $15,000 per resident. Why?

Look at what would happen if data center taxes were to be reduced. The only way the County could then maintain its usual level of overspending and not run a deficit would be to raise property taxes. I might sense a Boston Tea Party moment in our future.

Supervisors beware. The political impact of lowering data center taxes while not sharing excess tax revenue with citizens, especially if their reduced taxes led to our increased property taxes, would be catastrophic for you. Reelection in two years would be a false hope. 

Charlie Houston and his wife pay Loudoun County taxes on their farm outside Paeonian Springs, on their cars and even a $10 fee for each of their four dogs. Charlie can be forgetful, but when it’s time to vote, he has a memory like an elephant.