Ask Dr. Mike

Dr. Mike,

Our son is 7 years old. His teacher contacted us to discuss the school doing an evaluation on him since he is having attention problems, hyperactivity and behavior problems, and language learning problems in the classroom. She also said that he seems to get anxious socially with the other kids often. She suggested that he may be dyslexic given his struggles with reading and writing, and she said the evaluation they do would identify that if he is. 

My husband and I are hesitant to have our son evaluated because we don’t want to label him in the school system. We also recognize that if he does have real learning difficulties they should be addressed. Our neighbor had their son evaluated privately a while back and got a lot out of that, so we know that’s an alternative to having it done at the school. We’d appreciate your thoughts.

—Concerned Parents in Loudoun

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Dear Concerned Parents in Loudoun,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about your son. It’s always difficult for parents to hear that their child is struggling in school, but your openness to understanding what’s happening is the most important first step toward helping him.

From what you’ve described, his teacher has noticed a combination of concerns—difficulty learning new language-based material, staying focused, and managing his behavior in class, along with signs of anxiety in social situations. She’s also raised the possibility of dyslexia because he’s mixing things up when reading and writing, and she’s recommended testing. These observations are valuable because teachers often see children in structured settings where academic and social demands can highlight patterns that might not appear as clearly at home.

It’s understandable that you’re hesitant to have your son labeled at such a young age. Many parents share that concern. Labels can feel limiting, but early evaluation doesn’t have to define him—it simply helps you understand how he learns, where he struggles, and what supports might make school a better fit. The goal is not to place him in a box but to uncover information that can guide more personalized strategies for his growth.

There are a few possible reasons behind the challenges his teacher observed. Dyslexia is one, particularly if he’s reversing letters, struggling to sound out words, or finding reading unusually difficult for his age.

Another possibility is ADHD, which often shows up as inattention, hyperactivity, or impulsivity, all of which can affect academic performance and behavior. Anxiety can also play a role, especially if he seems nervous in social situations or reluctant to engage with peers. Sometimes, these challenges overlap—children may have a combination of learning, attention, and emotional factors that interact with one another in the classroom.

The best next step is to gather more information rather than making quick assumptions. Begin by discussing your concerns with the school. Most school systems have procedures for educational evaluations, and teachers, counselors, or school psychologists can help you understand what supports are available.

You may also wish to talk with your pediatrician, who can rule out any medical factors and provide referrals for specialists if needed. A private neuropsychological evaluation is often the most comprehensive way to understand what’s going on.

This type of assessment looks at a child’s intellectual abilities, language and processing skills, attention, memory, academic achievement, and emotional functioning. It provides a clear picture of your son’s unique strengths and challenges, along with concrete recommendations for home and school.

In the meantime, keep providing structure and reassurance at home. Children are especially sensitive to how adults respond to their struggles. Knowing that you believe in him will help reduce anxiety and boost his confidence. Stay in close communication with his teacher so you can monitor progress and adjust support if needed.

If anxiety or attention issues seem to be significant, therapy can also be helpful. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), in particular, is effective for children who experience worry, difficulty focusing, or frustration related to school. It teaches coping and problem-solving skills that strengthen emotional regulation and self-esteem.

You’re right to want to approach this thoughtfully and at a pace that feels right for your family. Whether you choose to begin evaluations now or wait a bit while continuing to observe, remain open to information as it comes.

Understanding the “why” behind your son’s challenges will empower you to advocate effectively and ensure he receives the right support—both academically and emotionally. Early insight often leads to the most positive outcomes, and your care and attentiveness are already laying that foundation for him.

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Dr. Mike,

My husband and I are in our 50s, and we’ve been married for 28 years.  Grown kids all successfully launched finally, doing very well in our careers, but something is missing for me.  I’m going through menopause, I’ve gained weight, I’m drinking red wine every night, and I find myself wondering, “Is this it?” 

Not sure what to do to make things better, but between the empty house and menopause and getting older with all that has to offer, I’m not in a great place.  I don’t think my husband is either since he seems to be in a rut too.  He works too much, has gained weight, rarely exercises and drinks too much too.  I know we sound like a mid-life cliché as a couple, but we’d love some guidance.

—Midlife Struggles in Loudoun

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Dear Midlife Struggles in Loudoun,

What you describe is something many couples face, though few talk about it openly. After twenty-eight years of marriage, it’s natural to reach a moment where things feel quieter, less certain, even a little lonely. The kids are gone, routines have thinned out, and the rhythm you built together for decades suddenly feels unfamiliar. These changes can stir up that unsettling question—“Is this it?”—but often, that question isn’t about endings. It’s about beginnings.

Midlife ushers in a tide of changes, some expected, others more surprising. Menopause can leave you feeling out of sync with your body, your moods, even your confidence. Meanwhile, your husband may be wrestling with his own version of transition—career fatigue, physical changes, shifting identity. Add the silence of an empty house, and it’s easy to feel disconnected. But this chapter invites reflection, not resignation—it’s a chance to pause and decide how you want to grow forward, both individually and together.

Start by acknowledging what’s happening instead of minimizing it. Name the losses—youth, routine, the daily chaos of parenting—but also notice what’s newly available: time, perspective, and the freedom to reimagine what life as a couple looks like. Talk with each other about how you’re experiencing this stage. Honest conversation, without blame or defensiveness, helps reduce the quiet sense of drifting apart.

Then, experiment with rediscovery. Think back to what first drew you together—shared humor, curiosity, maybe a sense of adventure—and look for ways to bring those qualities into the present. Try cooking something new, taking a weekend trip, hiking a trail, or even signing up for a class together. Innocent experiences like these can serve to reawaken parts of the relationship that get buried under years of responsibility.

It also helps to focus on your own well-being. Midlife has a way of demanding self-renewal. Movement, healthy food, and stress management aren’t just “good habits”—they create the emotional energy that keeps relationships vibrant. Support one another in this, encouraging small shifts rather than grand resolutions.

Intimacy, too, changes with time. Physical closeness might look different after menopause, but connection is still possible—through laughter, empathy, shared storytelling, or simply sitting together in quiet comfort. Couples often discover that while passion evolves, tenderness and trust deepen. Conversation, touch, and small gestures of affection keep those emotional channels open.

If the two of you find yourselves stuck in patterns that feel heavy or repetitive, guidance from a couple’s therapist can help. Therapy doesn’t mean the marriage is broken; it means you’re choosing to nurture it. Often, a few sessions can loosen old communication habits and help you see each other with fresh eyes.

Long marriages go through seasons, and not everyone is full of light. But the quieter seasons often give way to deeper understanding and renewed connection. The strength you’ve built over 28 years is still there—it just needs space and intention to evolve. The very act of asking this question tells me you’re both invested in finding your way forward, and that’s where healing usually begins.

Michael Oberschneider Psy.D. “Dr. Mike” is a clinical psychologist in private practice. He can be reached at 703-723-2999, and is located at 44095 Pipeline Plaza, Suite 240, Ashburn.