Three parenting tips toward healthy technology use

By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D.

In these technology driven times, managing our children’s screen time is a daily – and sometimes moment to moment – parenting task. With the changes we’ve had to make societally as parents due to COVID-19, that task has certainly become even more imperative. 

Think about it. Many children are on screens for full school days now, then they do their homework on a screen, and then they enjoy much of their free time with screens. If your children are awake about 16 hours a day, the majority of their waking time is likely being spent with some form of technology.  

In short, screen time, or technology overuse, was a real problem for a lot of children before COVID-19, and it’s an even larger one today.  

Numerous research studies have shown that screen time or technology overuse is associated with a variety of problems – social problems, emotional problems, academic and learning problems and increased rates of ADHD and obesity – so striving for balance and for quality over quantity technology time is important.  

But how do you manage your children’s screen time during a global pandemic and during winter when were home so much? Here are a few thoughts to consider as a parent.

Turn technology time into together time. Children are engaging with technology very fluidly these days, and in many ways, it’s difficult for parents to understand or keep up. It’s also common for parents and children to be in different rooms in the house where they’re using different forms of technology. All of that’s fine, but it’s also important to connect over technology as a family.  

Watching a TV show that you regularly watch together as a family is a great way to connect.  I personally enjoy introducing my children, age appropriately, to the TV shows and movies of my childhood. Watching TV shows or movies together is positive family time, and it also opens up opportunities to discuss the topics or themes that are portrayed in the shows or movies.  

Whether your child is six or 16, I also recommend showing interest in their sought after on-line or screen time activities. By watching shows or movies your children want to watch, or by playing video games with them, you’re validating what they like, which in turn will bring you closer together.        

Model healthy technology use. Children learn from observing the world around them, and what they internalize from us as parents largely shapes and defines who they will become as adults.

 If you want your son or daughter to manage their technology time better, model that.  For starters, when you’re with your children, be mindfully present; make putting your phone down or turning your devices off the norm. By doing this, you are demonstrating to them that you are not distracted and they have your undivided attention. If you need to check your phone when you’re around your children, let them know what you’re doing. This way your child won’t think you’re looking at your phone for no reason. 

Parents can also announce that they’re leaving the area briefly to send or respond to a text or to connect with someone for work or for other reasons. And if you get a text message from someone, try not to respond right away or in the middle of a conversation with your child.  

If you want to take a picture for grandma or grandpa, it’s also best if you ask or let your child know that you’d like to take a picture or video to send to their grandparents. By doing these sorts of things, you will be messaging to your children that you are fully present with them relationally, that you are in control of technology and not distracted or consumed by it. Over time, your children will learn to be more present, and to use technology in positive and healthy ways that serve to compliment a moment or their lives.

Turn off technology. Spending time with your children and teens away from technology is an important part of managing screen and technology time balance. By engaging in other sorts of activities, you’ll likely also cut down on disagreements or arguments over technology. The message isn’t “turn that off now,” which is negative, and usually happens when parents have become upset. More proactively and positively, the message to your children could be “let’s go for a walk,” or “let’s play a board game,” or “let’s cook a meal together,” or “let’s do some arts and crafts,” etc.  

When you’re engaging your children in various other activities, you’re not saying “no” to technology, but rather “yes” to doing more. If you’re more present as a parent in these fun ways, balance will be something that naturally occurs, rather than something that is forced upon your children by limiting screen time.   

With COVID-19 numbers improving, and with spring being right around the corner, we will likely be getting out more, but managing screen time will still be a parenting task. Focusing on quality over quantity and together time will help with healthy and balanced technology use for your children during and after the pandemic.  

Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D. “Dr Mike” is a clinical psychologist in private practice. He can be reached at 703-723-2999, and is located at 44095 Pipeline Plaza, Suite 240, Ashburn.