How to succeed at adulting

By Samuel Moore-Sobel

“Our transition from college to adulthood is filled with challenges, disappointments, and a lot of uncertainty,” Cate LeSourd writes in her new book, Coming of Age.

LeSourd writes about her own experience but also includes the stories of others. “Over the course of several years, I sent out two questionnaires to over a thousand young adults across the nation ranging from college seniors to those in their early thirties,” LeSourd writes. The book will likely encourage anyone entering this stage. “I wrote this book because I often felt alone in my circumstances and overwhelmed with the uncertainties of my life, especially those related to my career,” LeSourd writes.

LeSourd’s journey included some crushing disappointments. “Before the age of twenty-six, I had experienced a layoff, a toxic work environment, a minimum-wage job, a rescinded offer, and multiple rounds of unemployment,” she writes. Yet what emerges from her experience is a story of hope, healing, and resiliency. “Character is developed through trial and suffering,” LeSourd writes.

Many of us have high expectations when we first set out on our own – we imagine securing the perfect job, finding the perfect mate, and building a successful life. But often, this doesn’t happen right away (if at all).

“When we graduate college, we immediately put intense pressure on ourselves to find a job that aligns with our dreams and skills,” LeSourd writes. “Unfortunately, that first job is more often than not a wake-up call to reality. You may dislike your first job, or even hate it.”

I was miserable in my first job out of college. Stuck in a windowless room working as a government consultant, I spent days fielding calls from clients, trying my best to resolve their software issues. I felt alone during that first year out of school, living in my parents’ utility room to save money. I felt like I had failed, especially in comparison to others I knew who were loving their first year out of school.

Thankfully, that wasn’t the end of the story. My life has turned out better than I could have imagined. And while I would never want to repeat my early twenties, I did learn valuable lessons along the way, many of which I draw upon now. As LeSourd writes, “This tumultuous decade that required so much from us has provided a foundation to help guide us throughout the rest of our lives.”

Our twenties are demanding, especially considering the number of transitions that happen in such a short period of time. “Most major events or milestones, such as first jobs, frequent moves, career shifts, marriage, buying a home, and the start of parenting, occur within a span of ten years,” LeSourd writes. These changes, while exciting, can produce negative emotions. “Due to all these changes happening in such a short period of our lives, it is normal to feel a heightened sense of stress and insecurity,” LeSourd writes.

I wish I had been able to read this book when I was in my early twenties. I could have learned valuable lessons about work-life balance, setting boundaries, and perhaps worrying less about what the future held. But in reading this book, I was able to look back at those years with self-compassion – and choose to accept the past. “People often reflect on their twenties with fond memories – and we will look back on these years and see how we have grown – but it is a tumultuous time when you are in the midst of it,” LeSourd writes.

No matter how your twenties turn out, you can rest assured that they won’t necessarily determine how the rest of your life will unfold. “Hope comes when we remember that our life is a part of a greater, collective story,” LeSourd writes. “We may not always see why or how things happened the way they did at the time, but we can move forward one step at a time, knowing it is not the end of the story.”

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Samuel Moore-Sobel is the author of Can You See My Scars? His book is available on Amazon.To read more of his work, visit www.samuelmoore-sobel.com To book him for a speaking engagement, visit https://washington-dc.freespeakers.org/author/samuelmooresobel/.